“You do not manifest what you want. You manifest what you believe.” Oprah Winfrey.
This was quoted in my last blog piece, and I’m quoting it here again – because it is THAT powerful (can always rely on Oprah). So in my last blog I talked about how brilliant people can be at self-sabotage and how, ultimately, it often boils down to this fear of being incapable or simply ‘not good enough.’
If I said to you, “juggle four balls for me now” – if you haven’t juggled before, you’re either going to dismiss the idea full stop or give it a few go’s before giving up completely. And, unfortunately, we can find ourselves approaching life problems like this too. But when we pick from the deep pot of self-limiting beliefs that really hold us back in our lives, guess what? We prove ourselves right.
The more we allow ourselves to be consumed by a belief, the more we allow ourselves to be taken down by it. Beliefs shape the way we respond to the world, and if we do not believe we are good, or capable enough, we respond by withdrawing. Let’s face it, if you don’t believe you are capable of something, are you really going to put the work into it? Are you really going to invest your time and energy into this thing you so badly want? Nope. It becomes a pointless effort. So, we don’t follow through, we don’t achieve what we want, and we don’t show ourselves that actually, yes we can do it. And the whole cycle is reinforced.
Yo’ skills don’t mean tat
In times like this, skills, knowledge and experience mean nothing. You could have all the skills and experience in the world and still fail to achieve your goals. What you need is the belief that you are capable. The belief that you are worthy.
Knowing your self-worth is not about being perfect. It’s not even about doing a good job. It is about knowing that you are innately good as a person. It is about trusting in yourself to handle whatever comes up, because you always do.
Let’s think about it for a moment. Most of the time, people will use their successes, and the expectations’ of others to define their self-worth. But self-worth is not about any of these things. Abraham Lincoln experienced multiple defeats and life challenges before he became president of the US. If he had of allowed just one of these experiences to affect his self-view in this way, history might look very different now.
Changing beliefs – know-how
Changing beliefs about yourself, and your own sense of worthiness are completely achievable. It’s something that you can certainly address with the Lightning Process and other forms of coaching, but if you’re doing it on your own accord then you need to start thinking like a Champ (that’s right, we need to take this to the max).
Phase 1
The first phase, is creating some new thoughts and beliefs that will help you get to where you want to go. Have a think about what kind of beliefs will be more useful for you. You can also ‘try on’ some of the following –
• I express myself freely and with confidence, independent of others.
• I am strong and powerful
• I trust in my decisions
• I approve of, and validate, myself.
• Whatever life throws at me, I will handle it. Because I always do.
• I value my opinions and judgements, independent of others.
• I am perfectly imperfect
• I AM enough
• I am innately good.
• I am a [insert your ‘thayang’ here i.e. leader/actress/business woman etc] in the making
Say these out loud, get a feel for them and see how they go down. But – this is important, don’t just say the words. You need to really FEEL the sentiment. Like an actor stepping into the role, feel what it would be like to speak those words and fully believe in them. This leads me onto phase two.
Phase 2
In order to really feel what it feels like to take on this belief, you can ‘borrow’ from someone who epitomises this quality or way of thinking. And the choices are endless.
Beyonce – while her music may well sit within guilty pleasure territory, the one thing she certainly does have, is confidence and power. Barack Obama, Mick Jagger, Usain Bolt – the opportunities are endless. There are loads of inspirational people out there and you will most certainly have someone who resonates.
So pick that someone who, for you, exudes good, solid self-worth. And try that on. Imagine what it would be like, to be THAT person. And when you do, take that feeling and imagine living every day from this persona, from this place of confidence and self-worth. Notice how life changes.
Phase 3
When you’re ready to bring yourself back, it’s time to move onto phase three. And that is – get clear on your vision. What is your ultimate goal? Write it down. And then ask yourself what are the smaller goals that you need to achieve to reach that. Really map it out in your head.
Phase 4
Once you’ve done that, you can connect with your new belief again. Really meditate on this feeling, and go even deeper into it. Visualise your future – WITH THIS FEELING. Notice what life looks like, when you go through each day fuelled by this new belief. How does that change things?
I promise you my friends, if you do this consistently, day in, day out, your life WILL change. And soon, you really will be manifesting what you believe – in all the right ways.